How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
