i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My cat gives me a boner
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
