good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
