you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
