You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
