i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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