kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
