I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
