and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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