just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
