Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
