How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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