My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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