i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
