ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
accomplished twins. life is a go
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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