cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
