New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
