I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
