Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
