pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
