yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
