I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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