Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
