omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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