I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
