my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
