We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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