its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
