Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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