My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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