His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
