I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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