Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
