haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
