i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
