like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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