Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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