I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Randomize
