if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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