Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
