There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
