Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
