there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
whose parrot is this?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
