You can't special order awesome
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
