just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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