if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
