I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
