haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i came on her dog
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
