just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
