he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
