I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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