were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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