is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
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