i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
