if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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