I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just found puke in my bra..
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize